I was visiting my best friend while they were stationed in Clarksville, Tn when I began to question my life. I was married and had been for about 7 1/2 years and had two children. Looking back this may have been what they call the 7 year itch. But when it's happening to you, you don't think past the present.
My present thoughts at the time were saying I didn't know if I was truly in love with my husband. How can you be sure your in love? How do you know what love really feels like? I was young and confused and away from my family. I called my husband and told him I was gonna stay there for the week. Mostly because I wanted time to think. He was more than willing to give me the space.
My friend worked at a bar on the base there (her husband was AF) and I would go there to hang out with her while she worked.
It was there one night someone sat on the stool next to mine and told me I was beautiful. Unless your very comfortable with compliments, you might say something like "yeah, right." That was my response. I never thought of myself as beautiful to begin with and couple that with where I was and you can understand why I shrugged him off.
He went to play a little pool, but came back and tried again. I tried the I'm married response, but evidently that was not important in this part of the negotiations phase, because he was married too. And still trying hard to get my undivided attention.
It didn't take long for him to achieve exactly that. He said all the right things, danced with me, held me close. Everything that at about that 7 year mark you may be missing. There's nothing new and exciting about what you have at home and this is. I wont be stupid and say one thing led to another, or things happen. I knew what I was doing every step of the way, there were no blinders on. I slept with him.
It didn't last long. It wasn't even what I would call an affair. We spent several days together and slept together twice. Then I woke up one morning and thought to myself - "What if what I have with husband really is love? What if it's not always sunshine and roses and sometimes it's rain clouds and manure? I could be ruining what could very well be the love of my life. What if I'm wrong?" The next day I called and said I was coming home. I never saw the other guy again.
I cheated on my husband. While I'm sure I'm not the first woman to make that revelation, it's the first time I've made it. It's easier when I try to push it to the back of my mind. But it keeps creeping back up here. Demanding my attention. I keep telling myself that I should tell him and take my lumps. But it's been so many years ago. Would telling him be just a way to ease my conscience and at the same time probably destroy him? Do I drop this bombshell on him knowing it would hurt him so deeply?
I know some of you, that I feel very close to, are going to be very disappointed when they read this. I'm sorry. I know that a cheating spouse hurt you and lets face it - that's what I was. I will not try to defend it, I just hope I still get some credit for knowing how wrong it was and that I never did make that mistake again. And I never will. And with that said. I will sign this. It will not be anonymous. (I'm breathing hard right now and may pass out, but here goes)