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Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Another bloggy friend in need of advice

When I went to your new blog and read about what you are doing I thought to myself "What a great idea...for other people." Well, guess what? Less than a week after you start your fabulous blog, I feel the need to put it out there.

I am having financial difficulties and am at a loss as to solving these difficulties. I got divorced six years ago and got a healthy settlement, I purchase my townhouse with a significant down payment, bought a car and furnished our new home and had dwindled my savings to around $10,000.

I have been in a relationship with a wonderful man for five years and we live together. He has been supportive in all ways including financial. I probably should not have qualified for my mortgage when I got it 4 1/2 years ago but at the time I was receiving child support for three children and now I get no child support.

Last November I got laid off from a decent paying job. I went on unemployment and started semi-looking for work. At that time Dave had a good job and was bringing in more than enough money to pay all the bills. His boss is a jerk and sometimes wouldn't pay the guys until Saturday and sometimes not until Monday but they always got paid.

About three months ago he kept telling me his boss was jerking him around with his pay and week after week I got no money or little money from him. My savings was slowing dwindling each and every week and my unemployment ran out in October so I had no income. After about six weeks of this bullshit I lost it.

Dave finally came clean with the fact that he had had $10,000 cash of his boss's money stolen out of his car and his boss was only giving him a couple of hundred a week until he got his money back. Now, he is in the produce business and lots of times he has had $80-100,000 cash to pay for produce so him having the cash is not unlikely. What really, really bothered me was he lied time and time again about his paychecks.

As soon as I found out I started really looking for a job. I found one within a few days of starting to search but for 2/3 of what I was making before I was laid off but I felt a job was a job. Now, as I said before, Dave's boss is a jerk and his expectations of Dave got more and more. He would be loading trucks until 2 or 3 in the morning and he has started his day at 8 a.m. His cell phone never stopped ringing, day or night. I finally told him it was either me or the phone in the bedroom because I was tired of being woke up in the middle of the night. And I also told him he needed to let his boss know he was not going to work 24 hours a day. Well when he told his boss that his boss fired him. I am happy to have him home evenings again and his new cell phone is blissfully quiet.

Now, here is my situation - I have $180 in my savings, $780 in my checking and a job that I bring home a bit less than $400 a week and monthly bills of approx $2,500 per month. And Dave with no job and the job market here sucks right now. What should I do?

Try and sell my place? I have so much clutter and junk in closets it would take me forever to get it ready and what do I do with the junk in the meantime? And with the market being so bad who knows how long it will take to sell.

Stop making my payments and let the house go back to the bank?

Take in a roommate? (Again, the clutter becomes an issue as well as two kids at home and three pets).

Get my two almost-grown children involved? Since I have always had a bit of money in the bank the kids think I have money to spare.

I am so frustrated and worried about my situation and will consider any and all advise.

37 comments:

Tenakim said...

I'm so sorry for your troubles. Financial troubles are so hard to know how to begin to get out of. We have our share of them, too. I definitely think you should tell your kids- if they could help in any way- that's a start.

As far as your home, if it's above your means and there is something more modest that you could find, you may want to consider- although I understand that is a huge hoop to jump through- good luck to you!

Kritta22 said...

I would definately be open with your kids.

If you have kids at home, why do child support? Too old?

I would have a retailer come out and see if your house would actually sell. If they think it would, get your butt in gear and start packing. The kids will come in handy here too.

Maybe ask a friend or two to keep a few boxes in a garage.

Try selling some of your stuff on ebay. You'd be amazed at what people will buy.

Try and not let things go to collections. It causes soooo much more stress with the phone calls and letters and stuff like that.

This is all I have right now...I'll think more.

Anonymous said...

This obviously is not the best time to let your home sell, IF it sells. Moving to another place can prove to be equally or even more expensive. (I looked at "downsizing" and stayed in my current home, thank goodness!)Letting it go into foreclosure is a B.A.D. idea.
Pare down the budget. PLEASE have the kids contribute what they can, where they can. Talk to them about your current situation. Are they working? Can they cough up $80.00 a week? Figure out how they can help with their input. Kids are smart. And helpful.
Speak with your bank or lending institution where the mortgage originated. Since your financial picture has changed, they can discuss loan consolidation, refinancing, and more with you. At the very least they'll give you some ideas. They are porofesionals and have much better advice than your bloggy friends. :)
Don't cancel your credit cards. Freeze them. Put them in a bowl of water and stick them in the freezer where they won't be accessible for impulse buys. Keep one card available for TRUE emergencies: car repairs, etc.
Buy cheaper groceries and consolidate trips.
Your bf can and very likely will get a job. Even a crap job is better than no job. It does'nt have to be a permanent thing but enough to get you through the tight spots.
eBay: maybe the kids would be helpful there? Have them help to get rid of the clutter and sell the stuff. Craigslist is good too.
Get rid of the cell phones. Buy pre-paid minutes if you feel you MUST have one.
Don't go to the "debt consolidation" joints that advertise so heavily. Go to a legit bank, again, the institution where you got your townhouse financed would be an excellent starting point. It sounds like this is less of a pickle than it could be. You're a few hundred dollars a month short of where you need to be to get out from under all that is worrying you. I'm not saying that it's easy to fix but you are in a much better position than many. Please let us know how it's going. Hope everything turns around for you.

Anonymous said...

ummm... the banks are PRO-fessionals. Pardon the typo!

Unknown said...

Wow it is times like this i wish I have sage advice and more expierence tucked under my flab errr belt...

You have got some great advice so far...I guess my q would be on the personal level...what about the bf lying to you...how does that affect/effect what you may need/want to do...does that play into the situation to sell or not to sell etc...

Megan said...

Alrighty. Been here done this whole house what-to-do thing.

If your credit is good, see about refinancing and getting a lower interest rate. This in turn lowers payments. IF you don't qualify and you have lots of debt via credit cards or medical debt, then maybe consider Chapter 13 Bankruptcy. This will allow you to repay your debt and will keep your mortage issues at bay.

If you don't want to file Chap 13. I would NOT let it go in foreclosure. We had no choice and the bank took our house. We still had to fill Chap. 7 Bankruptcy b/c they hounded us over the amount that didn't sell.

Aim to get help from the kids. If they are old enough to work 15-20 bucks a week is not a lot to ask and that will help with bills. And as for BF, tell him to keep looking for a job.

I wish you all the luck in the world and I kept my name on this in the event you have more question. YOu are more than welcome to find my email on my blog and ask all the questions you want. I have been there and I know how much this takes a toll on your mind!

Good Luck!

Anonymous said...

I think you have a lot of good advice already, but I'll toss in my 2 cents too.

My house is the one thing I will cling too if my situation gets to a point where I cannot afford to hold on to it. I'll do everything in my power to keep the house.

With that said I would cut back on EVERYTHING else. I'd start shoping at Aldi's. I'd cut my TV bill down to basic cable, I'd cancel my home phone and live off just my cellphone. I'd cancel my internet service. I'd save money everywhere I could just so I could make my house payment.

The way I see it... everything else can be rebuilt, but if you love your house then fight to keep it.

Now as far as the boyfriend... WTF is up with him lying to you??? I'd be SOOO mad about that. I mean beyond angry. That would cause all sorts of domino effects for me on the level of trust.

Amy Amy Bo Bamey said...

Dang, that stinks!

I would see if you could get a loan modification on your home loan. Call you mortgage company ASAP and get information regarding it.

Tell your kids and see what they think, see if they could help.

I would get a 2nd job and try my hardest before I would lose the house.

That really stinks!

Annie said...

My advice is similar- sell stuff you don't need or use, talk to the bank about options, get the kids involved, buckle down the budget....
Why are you not getting child support if you still have the kids and they live with you? If they are too old/over 18,you certainly can charge them rent and/or ask them to pitch in!

Anonymous said...

Not sure why you are not getting child support for kids living at home. Almost grown children? If they are legally adults, they should be paying rent and helping out with the household expenses and let them know moneybags Mom is out of business.
I agree with the others, I would do almost anything before I lost my house & the BF should be out looking for ANYTHING right now to help with the bills. Min wage is better than -0- money coming in.

I find it funny that people still have fancy cars, cell phones, cable, internet and buy clothes, cigarettes, booze and drugs (not saying you, but others I know), but refuse to take care of basic expenses like food, mortgage, water and electric.

Maura said...

I think the first Anonymous commenter hit on everything you should be considering, and doing what you can, at this point.

Run to the bank to talk about your payments if you haven't already, and don't let it go to foreclosure without at least doing that. They're willing to talk now because they do not want another foreclosed house to deal with.

Good luck.

Shelle-BlokThoughts said...

First of all...sorry you are going through this...that sucks way bad!!!

Definitely let your kids know whats going on...they aren't stupid, they understand that something BIG must be wrong...

Also...I wouldn't let your house just GO to payments...at least TRY and sell it, you never know! I've working in the Finance industry and that is the WORSE thing to do...let your credit slip...it's hard to come back and takes a while!

Also find your happiness right now in the little things...day to day...and you can and WILL get through it!

Sorry again!

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